Evening

Do you ever just have one of those days? I tossed and turned last night, while images and scenes about my dad went through my mind. (If you haven’t followed for long, my dad passed away a little more than a year ago after a 4 year battle with cancer) I’m not sure what triggered the vivid dreams, but I woke up feeling as if I had not slept at all and I was filled with fresh grief and anxiety.

My first instinct? Berate myself. I hate to say that, but it’s true. My first thoughts were telling myself to get it together, they were just dreams, I have work to do, dry my tears…I should be over it.  But grief doesn’t play by the rules, nor does it ask for an invitation.  It took a little while for me to realize that what I was doing to myself wasn’t healthy, fair, or necessary. I would never have spoken to a friend that way.

So, I have spent much of the day practicing kindness to myself. Of course, this is all happening in my head- likely most of the people I encountered today will not have any idea the battle that was going on in my mind.

I started with stating what was true. Grief comes in waves, often unexpectedly, and it’s okay to be sad. Simply speaking truth, even just to yourself, takes the overwhelmingness out of the situation. Recognize what you are doing, what is true, and drag it into the light with words.

Name it.  Write it down. Give it form so you can see it. Ask the Lord what is true. Write that down too. And then rest.

So, today as I continue with the #mynextrightthing challenge, today’s writing prompt is evening. Our days may have a variety of emotions, but I want to wrap each day with gratitude, even the hard days. When I put my head down tonight, I want my mind to be filled with things that are good and right, even when they are mixed in with the hard.  #1000gifts